People often say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I say the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder” – Salma Hayek

In the age of social media where likes are subconsciously getting linked to self-esteem, this quote by Salma Hayek reminds us to take a step back and look within. We all have gone through the stages where we felt we are the ugly caterpillar. Even though it is such a remarkable creature. We all wanted to be butterflies without realizing that striking wings evolve when the transformation happens from within.

Who am I to say that?

# We as  North Indians are obsessed with a round face, fair colour and long hairs. I grew up to a family humorously teasing me to be Dusky, “Kali Mai” they said. Little did they knew  about its effects, ones it was a matter of concern in my life. I vividly remember the soap advertisements showcasing fair models promising a fair colour with a number of its applications. And all I knew was that I wasn’t fair So, a 7 year Old religiously followed the steps, so that she doesn’t miss out a chance on getting a fairer skin.

# I was a hairy kid, On face, body and at every undesirable  place. Children In school obviously noticed it and didn’t miss out a chance for making fun of it.  I remember myself watching those daily soaps just for the sake of those pitch perfect women who woke up with utmost perfection and all dolled up. Little did I knew,they don’t wake up like this. I was in 7th Grade when this incident happened.   The maturity was still low and metabolism was still high. One day, I caught myself looking at the mirror, wondering why I don’t have those perfect brows and a fair skin that everyone admired. All credits to my metabolism, I chopped of my brows just to look a little like them.  (Those brows were accompanied by good punches by mom when she realized what I had done to myself. Lol).

Things were only a matter of regular concern and nothing else until it started affecting my self-esteem.

# I was always a chirpy kid, known for that irritating, loud laugh. Also, a confident kid who didn’t care about wearing neon colours any day.  It was when life started hitting a little hard on family, that I decided to take up a job along with studies to help to whatever extent possible. It was never on the list of things that I did out of joy. It had a visible consequence on my health. Tired, sloppy, shrinked and unhealthy.

It was during that period that a comment from a very close person shook me.

I clearly remember the lines stating how ugly I was, and that I needed to get a good wardrobe and had no sense of grooming  (the mildest way of interpreting what he said).  It did not just break my heart but also crushed my self esteem. This time the consequences were unhealthy. I started looking out for approval for the way I dressed to the way I spoke. Lost interest in things that I ones loved doing. I started loosing my part in things I did, cause it  always needed to be approved by somebody, Irrespective of whether that person had any role to play in my life. I was no longer comfortable in my skin. Its that time, when the illusion that has been created by you for yourself is dominating who you actually are.

What Next? Who Would help Me?

I wish I had such a relationship with my family that I could upfrontly tell them, how I have started feeling about myself. And that it wasn’t always the case. Unfortunately, that wasn’t a convenient option.

Dear parents, Your kid is a chirpy one. If you ever find her wrapped with gadgets all day, know that something isn’t right and come over.

I tried talking to a close friend who unfortunetly misunderstood it all for gaining sympathy which did nothing more than adding burden on my heart.

Now what?

My journey just began post this incident.

I broke the cocoon of my illusion and unfolded the wings of a butterfly. I began realizing the significance of beauty from deep within. The soulful smile, the kind speech, the compassionate heart, the powerful feet that stand firm against the wrong, the arms which hold the weight and contribute to this world. That is beautiful.

I forgave all those people who judged me on how I looked. Not because they asked for it. Because they were either driven by their insecurities or the society. In both the cases, they needed compassion and insight to rise above the ignorance. I needed closure.

Also, for my friends who think teasing someone in a friendly capacity is cool and does not contribute to any harm. My friend, it’s cool, it’s absolutely wonderful until it bothers the concerned person and put him/her in the capacity of self-doubts. That’s when it’s not cool and that’s exactly when you need to stop!

The comments have not stopped. I still hear them. But now the power of focus is with me. For you all out there, I urge you to know this. No matter which scale you stand on, as long as you respect your body and take care of it knowing that this body is a gift of nature and a vehicle for your soul, you are beautiful.

One country has fairness as a criterion; another country goes for the artificial tan. The concept itself is an illusion! One might like rose more, doesn’t make lily any less beautiful. It is all a hoax created by us. There is nothing less or more beautiful. Each one of us is a unique creation. It took me a while to understand how outer beauty can be enhanced by working on the inner beauty.

We all have encountered bad experiences in our lives. Each experience, over time, forced us to build walls around us. We closed our hearts towards many things around us even though we never intended to. Open your heart to the emotion of love. Love the beautiful nature, love animals and love yourself. Do what you love. Create something of your own. Scribble, doodle, paint, write, dance. This energy of love towards yourself is what will open your consciousness. It is an eternal joyful path from here.

It was after I chose to become aware of compassion inside me, outside me, for me and the world around me, that I was able to begin the journey within.

Be beautiful, inside out!

May the radiance of your internal beauty outspreads in all directions!

From,

A 19 year Old learning life.

Article By:-
Swati Upadhyay